Going away for a while.
Got some thinking to do. I have given handsome man some time out and a "get out of jail card" if he needs it. Which I think he does. I tried to explain why his distance upsets me and I have bared my heart and soul to him and probably shouldn't have done so. The trouble with that, is that it leaves you venerable and fragile. Its going to come back and bite me on the arse I reckon!
Well, you can't help who you fall in love with can you? And I guess any person reading this, you would say "serves you damm well right" and "what did you expect. But I would be a hard nosed bitch if I didn't feel those feelings for him. It took me by surprise when it happened and surprises me still that I feel the same way all this time later. And nor should I be too surprised if he runs a mile in the opposite direction.
I shouldn't have used an affair as the excuse to end a stale, stagnant and sexless marriage but I sure am not the first person to have done so. It was grinding to a shuddering halt long before the affair. There is still much to do on that front. But its almost impossible when you don't speak to each other.
A holiday is what is needed. No sex, no erotic thoughts and dreams, no vibrator, no men, no email or mobile. Nothing, just me and the kids and a good girlfriend along for some company in the second week, to stop me wallowing in doubt and loneliness.
The sun better shine.