Friday, September 22, 2006

my body is a temple...etc

What's that saying? My body is a temple and I must worship it daily... well I have worshipped it tonight with three glasses of white wine. Does that count?

Probably not. I wish my body could be worshipped daily by a sex obsessed man with a penchant for girls who wear high heels. Someone with a slighly kinky mind, lovingly tender but sexually dominant . Mmm. I used to think I wasnt normal until I read some of the other blogs on here! NowI dont think I am too far off the mark just because I like oogling pics of pretty girls and enjoy pornography and latex! oh well I live in hope that someday my prince will come but unfortunately realise there is no happy ever after.

I have had a dull few weeks really, I've not much to tell as I have been busy with work, life and stuff and generally just keeping my head down and trying to be good! Not trying all that hard, truth be told but one has to make a little effort every now and again.

I had dinner last week with the man. He has emerged from his cave and whilst I am feeling reasonably perky about things generally, I am not sure he really understands that all I want from him is understanding and a feeling of connection. Do you know what I mean by that? The feeling you get when you look at someone special straight in the eye; someone who really excites you and makes you curious about them, about you and your place in the world. I wonder what he really thinks about me?

Otherwise things here at home are much as they always are. Its funny how you can live me a man who studiously ignores your love affair with someone else. I wish he didn't and I wish he would do something about it. Its quite clear to me that all he wants is a tidy, clean house, and someone around in the wife/mother role. The fact that he pushes me away when i try and broach the subject of our future and will not discuss anything about it all is almost as destructive as my unfaithfulness.

Certainly I am worse but longer this goes on the less sure I am about apportioning blame.

No comments: