Houdini.

Houdini, that was our hamster. Notice I use the past tense here.... The little rodent has gnawed a great big hole through the red plastic side of her cage and escaped.

The children's are desolate.

Although their upset is bound to be short lived. A good start to the school holidays!

I don't hold up much hope of finding it either; it seems to have navigated its way from the top of the chest of drawers and out of the children's bedroom, down the stairs and vanished. Its been three days now. Long gone I think and no sign. The omens are not good are they?

Cant say I blame it really either, the poor thing, it didn't much like being jammed head first into the pink barbie convertible car just a few weeks ago and has the last laugh!

Bloody well wish I could do the same.

Have the last laugh and escape that is.

new shoes!

Hello

I haven't felt much life writing this for a week or so really. Its been a funny old week what with one thing and another. The hot weather is great, but my libido has taken off like a rocket and I am struggling to keep it under control.

First off, I managed to get myself in a right lather about the tall handsome one. I went to see him a few weeks ago and cooked, dressed up in some lovely latex for him and well, you can guess the rest. So we had dinner, some nice sex, and a pleasant and enjoyable evening I thought. I must admit I wasn't really on top form that night but enjoyable nonetheless.

Well. That was more than two weeks ago, and despite a leaving a couple of messages and texts I had heard nothing. There is nothing in this world guaranteed to piss me off more and so I wrote to him. No sooner had I posted the bloody letter, then guess who calls me. I had already convinced myself that I had been dumped or worse that he was dead in a ditch somewhere!

Clearly he's not dead in a ditch. But alive and well. Which is good. However, I may still be dumped, I am not entirely certain!

Well, it will do me good to have the summer off. I can concentrate on the children instead of myself for a change. No doubt I have confirmed his worst suspicions about me. I grant you, I did overeact , but with justifiable cause. Its just so unnecessary to be so rude.

Shame, I haven't been able to wear my killer heels yet, bought them to go with the latex dress..... Can't exactly wear them on the school run can I!

Talking of which. Only two more days to go.

Congruent!

Just a short post today. Its too hot and I can't concentrate!

I had my last session with my physco-therapist today. Apparently I am much more congruent!
I wasn't sure what that was at first, it sounded like some sort of mathematical puzzle to me. But it means fitting together and suitable according to the dictionary. Congruent... Its a good word isn't it?

It will be a blessed relief not to have to go to that appointment every Monday that's for sure. I just hope I can keep on an even keel whilst all this is going on.

I need to stop thinking about him so much though. Its not good and makes me sad. I miss him, but clearly he isn't thinking about me. Why do women fall for men who are emotionally distant? Wish I knew.

The weekend panned out better than expected which was good. I spent Saturday in the garden, pottering and doing not very much and went to the school summer ball on Saturday night and danced away my troubles! ~Sunday was spent recovering from a hangover on the beach at Bournemouth with my darling daughters and my brother and his family. Tiring but good all in all.

Think I shall have to re-classify this blog. I cant talk about sex cos I am not getting any!

suburban sexpot!

Ha! He thinks I have loads of blokes wanting my pussy!

I wish! Its hard to maintain the persona of suburban sexpot when there is no-one wanting to shag you on a regular basis. More so, when the man you want most of all is cool and distant.
Well, there's someone at work, so thats a no no for a start. Flattering all the same though.

Then I could go on a bender with Mad Dog, the bikey bloke from the pub. His leather's are cool , and bike even better, but he cant speak without saying "fuck" every other word. And I am sorry, but I cant shag a bloke I cant speak to..Whats the point?

So I suppose I will just have to be continually horny and wait some more....

help

I don't think I,ve quite the hand of this blogging thing yet.

In a way I am relieved that no one reads it, but on the other hand....not! I am sure I have missed something quite fundamental and havent read the help topics properly,

Never mind. Better go and read it again me thinks.

Lucidity I think

I don't know about you, but I find the most lucid time of day to be that strange and funny time, between being asleep and fully awake. A no-mans-land of conscious thought. Sometimes its fleetingly brief and sometimes not.

I have made a supreme effort of late not to fret too much about the future and what lies ahead nor to worry too much about what has gone before and why my life has taken its current course of action. I still blame myself for much of it and despite the all too frequent times I tell myself, that its not all my fault. Somehow I know that much if it is! Anyway, I may be a silly cow at times but it doesn't make me a bad person.

Nor am I fretting so much about the tall handsome one. Yes I love him and yes its not good for me and probably the relationship has a finite time span but so what? What will be, will be and I am glad that I fell in love and let my guard down finally. Its been revealing. A temporary madness, but revealing nonetheless!

Much of it stems from identifying changing needs. It is no longer enough to be safe and comfortable. To enjoy the rut of a lifestyle at the expense of someone else? Not for me any longer. I haven't been fair to him at all and I have to break they cycle.

The unconditional love of my children is wonderful and unmissable and yet is not enough. I know that I have to put my needs alongside theirs to enable me to be a good parent. Otherwise I will simply revert to feeling like being trapped behind a pane of glass. Simply going though the motions and putting up a remarkably good show in front others. I have that down to an art form believe me.

So, onwards I think. Now I am feeling almost 100% fitter and mentally stronger to cope with the up and coming changes. I may be lonely, scared and unprepared financially, but I hope that
I can manage the change.

Time will tell.

Just musing...

Why is that that someone half your size and with twice your determination can press your short fuse button like no other? I've been in mummy mode this week ; sports day, sick children and 5th birthday parties, which basically means that most days this week have included over-wrought small children winging about their loss in life.

Take it from me kid.... You ain seen nothing yet!


Anyway she will look back at today and realise that she had a great time!

Children aside. Not much happening this week . Staying in and being good.

Whilst Iwas doing some chores earlier, there was an article on the radio by Chris Evans on Radio 2. about bloggers! Apparently its a mammoth world wide phenomenon! Cant see why; people have been writing diaries for centuries. Ths is just another format. And easier too. No spelling errors! Grammatical ones, yes I grant you!

What I like about it, is that no bugger bothers to read or comment about it! Its kind of reassuring to know that your thoughts however mundane and dull, stay that way. The other benefit is that it clears you mind in the evening and almmost guarantees a night of un-interuppted sleep....zzzzzzzzz

nite

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